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The gates of John Jay: limited opening, endless closures.

When your therapist says you're doing great, and you're just like, "Sure, Jan."

If SSOL were a person, it'd definitely ghost you.

One's a blonde bombshell, the other's just a bomb.

That vibe check failed harder than your policies.

The only thing you're catching is disappointment, furball!

Prince kneeling like he’s proposing to the last slice of pizza.

When you’re trying to be deep at a party but just look lost.

me submitting my terrible paper at 11:59 like i won

The only thing more lost than those trees is your love life.

That cat's probably judging your Netflix choices, too.

When you’re debating if you should dunk or just flop.

When the only thing sharper than your suit is your dad's jokes.

Borzoi dressed better than your last CULPA-reviewed lecture outfit.

Trying to be friendly, but your vibes say 'perpetual flop.'

Stars gossiping about you, but they still can’t figure you out.

Boss says "dress for success" but thinks Henry VIII was a style icon.

That’s a ‘don’t ask me to walk’ vibe on a leash.

Dodge Gym water stations: mirages of student hydration.

Nature’s way of saying, 'Even a meltdown can look majestic.'

Dodge Gym: 5 mats, endless gym fees—Columbia math.

That outfit's a bigger joke than your love life.

That look you give when your WiFi isn't working but you pretend it is.

When the caffeine hits at the exact right moment.