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me returning to my Butler spot and finding someone in my chair

When your boss makes you work on Christmas.

When the professor says group work and you end up with BTS.

Congrats on the suit! Too bad your jokes still bomb.

That lavender's the only reason anyone's still looking at you.

When your vibe screams 'I sell insurance' but your face says 'please don't ask me about taxes'.

You look like a 'why not' decision gone wrong.

Jesus learning to grab reeds like students grabbing Millstein chairs.

Columbia's PE course: dodging snowman-kid traffic on College Walk.

Me trying to explain blockchain to my grandma.

Calm down, Casanova, no one’s throwing rose petals here.

The face you make when mom says 'we need to talk.'

Your dating profile says 'adventurous'—try 'adventurous takeout orders' instead.

The Hamilton elevator processing your minimum GPA: 'Nah'.

Acting like you're the main character in a flop film.

Dressed like a party, but your vibe says 'nap time.'

Going pro in waitlisting: a Columbia tradition

When you're meeting your Tinder date, but they actually look like their profile pic.

Me: *breathes* Boss: "You missed a spot."

That Santa coat? More cringe than your ex's DMs.

Your aura's as cracked as your ancient paint, sis.

When The Core Curriculum chases you down Butler's stairs.

This cat's got more secrets than your group chat.

When you hear the boomers still use Facebook.