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When you watch Lion Fund hopefuls lining up for coffee chats

Existentialism: even a toy whale questions its purpose in soap.

You look like you explain TikTok to your parents with a PowerPoint.

Plato might question the Forms of their quiz choices.

Trying to act hard while looking like a wet sock.

Columbia waitlists: Membership always full, benefits unclear.

Y'all look like a dad band that forgot the hits.

When you realize your life choices were a mistake.

When the WiFi is out and you have to socialize.

Every time I open my bank account, it winks back like, "Nice try."

The only thing older than your style is your political opinions.

When you’re two seconds away from an identity crisis.

When your life falls apart but you look aesthetic doing it.

I tried to hype myself up for finals with a motivational playlist, but now I’m just sitting here, paw to mouth, rethinking every decision since 2018.

Dude, even seaweed has better fashion sense than you.

When you dress like a businessman but think like a meme.

You’re a walking distraction, but not the good kind.

When you watch Lion Fund hopefuls lining up for coffee chats

Hamilton elevators: More reliable than JJ's sushi freshness.

When the cafeteria's budget cuts hit hard.

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That intensity screams 'I lost the group project.'

When Hamilton elevators hit a higher note than Jackson.

You look like a penguin trying to be the main character.