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Archive

Too cool for Ferris strawberries, too slow for Hamilton elevators.

The only trophy you’re winning is participation.

Whispering to Claudia at Liz's—'keeper of my slacker heart'.

Trying to explain your love life like: 'LOL, what?'

When your dog is the only one who listens to your startup pitch.

Me explaining my thirst trap strategy to my friends after he liked his ex's 2019 post.

after failing the test, telling myself at least i look great

Me after the fifth Lion Fund coffee chat of the day

When they hand you the tiniest exam desk I audibly panic

Me when the ice cream truck saves my day for the 100th time

late night goon who realized their Chrome tab was unhinged

Gossiping about who’s more blessed than you are.

This isn't a catwalk, it's a battlefield!

That face says 'I know your secrets' but still waddle on.

Bro, those penguins are happier than you on a Sunday morning.

the universe when I try mentally leaving my room once

That energy screams, 'Please, someone stop me!'

Corgi flexing like it actually pays rent, but we know it doesn't.

Hamilton elevators: practice patience, or major in teleportation.

That face when you realize your nap was too short.

Ask my GPA about the lack of Hamilton working elevators.

Her hair's giving 'golden retriever'; he’s giving ‘lost puppy’.

Me when Butler turns into a social club instead of a library

Me realizing Columbia's gates are still closed like it’s a medieval siege