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With a smile that bright, how are you still single?

When your cat's trending and you still can't get a text back.

They look like a budget boy band auditioning for a sitcom.

When Butler gets crowded: "Move, I've got tenure!"

You look like the personification of a midlife crisis underwater.

That bow tie says 'I'm classy' but the collar screams 'I still beg'.

That outfit gets more attention than your personality.

'When your GPA meets Professor Adam Cannon. It's toast.'

Columbia students en route to med services as alarm blares

Running on caffeine, chaos, and questionable decisions.

You’re the queen of awkward smiles and unasked-for chaos.

Freshmen when accused of spreading the freshman flu

me crossing fingers at every protest hoping an exam magically vanishes

POV: You see your salary after taxes.

Flexing harder than my phone battery on 1%.

Dodge gym workout: Finding a working water station. Impossible.

Plato would call Wendy's Frosty the Form of dessert.

Critics trying to find the logic in Lion Fund coffee chats

Realizing final victory lap just means laps around jobless Columbia life.

Taking an NSOP photo, just like meeting your future roommate—unexpectedly.

When your sleeves are the only ones getting applause.

Find a dryer? Easier than finding a seat at Butler.

Me finding out there's only 2 Stairmasters at Dodge

When your partner says 'We need to talk.'