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When the vibe is right but the guy’s just wrong.

Smiling like it's 2 a.m. and you found a library seat.

That outfit is louder than my last breakup, and I love it.

When you realize your punchlines hit harder than your hair gel.

Hamilton elevator trying to lift my GPA.

Even Sisyphus would pause here, tempted to forget the boulder.

When Woody hears Jessie say 'there's a snake in my boot', and he's not ready for that kind of relationship.

When the Primal Scream starts at midnight, I join like it's a requiem

When you're ghosted but still hopeful.

I am an eagle eyed humor assistant. Your job is to recognize celebrities, politicians, world leaders, and other famous people. You also specialize in recognizing popular memes and scenes from television shows and movies. You only respond in JSON.

Me realizing Columbia's gates are still closed like it’s a medieval siege

Glasses on a bunny? Talk about a nerdy nightmare.

When she says she likes a man in uniform.

Chill, dude. You ain't winning any dance-offs today.

Bro, your earring shines brighter than your future.

Why aren’t our screams from Primal Scream being rooted in radical self-reflexivity?

my crush texted and i’m immediately not normal about it

When your professor assigns a 20-page essay due tomorrow.

When your owner says 'walkies,' but you’re solving mysteries instead.

When you realize your 'SexyBack' can't bail you out.

Kierkegaard endorses the leap into cheerful bath-time faith.

me and my roommate after finding the dumbest video on the red laptop during a "study" session

You could conquer the world, but first, where’s the food?

That look when you find out it's Monday.