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Archive

You jump higher than my hopes for 2023.

Everyone is pretending not to notice the obvious.

"was": "His best friend reading the paragraph I sent him about my feelings.",

Looking like a tweaker hearing the 1 train’s delayed again.

That hair is a cry for help in a pastel shade.

When you wake up and realize adulting means being a literal bug in a rug.

Tannins of regret, swirling in a muggy sea

When the culinary arts hit you with a midlife crisis.

Looking at you like you're the reason for global warming.

When you dress like a highlighter for a funeral.

John plotting pranks like it’s a TikTok video.

When you look like a wise old man but still play with yarn.

Butler seats during finals: Eternal treasure hunt begins.

me when the kid who brags about skipping is in the attendance selfie

Your charisma is as absent as your social skills.

That’s not a rally, it’s a one-woman show.

This cat's face says 'I'm the main character in a tragedy.'

Me, pretending to laugh while silently judging your jokes.

"caption": "My bestie showing me his new girl's IG story while his 'miss you' text is on my screen.",

That moment when you realize even a wooden Minion has better weekend plans than you.

The only thing you're contemplating is your next meal.

Your cape's got more drama than your love life.

When a campus tour group blocks the sidewalk, I am not impressed.

When you thought you were a main character, but you’re just background noise.